Revise This Paper Please!
This one goes out to my fellow CW2 classmates...
I am showing you a rough draft of my microtheme below. Feel free to drop some editing advice in the comments section of this post. Thanks!
Anthony
Rene Valadez
Dr.
Kyburz
College
Writing II
26
September 2015
If Tablets Could Fly
I thoroughly enjoy modern technology
and all its spoils. I also enjoy integrating modern technology into aviation by
equipping pilots, like myself, with the latest and greatest gadgets. However, as
much as I enjoy how easy mobile technology has made flying, I have some
concerns about how tablets and touch screen devices can distract pilots in the
air. Thinking more about the issue I asked myself, what are some of the
consequences, good and bad, related to equipping pilots with tablets and other
devices while in the cockpit?
The first consequence that sprang
into my mind was the obvious one. The use of devices in the cockpit while
operating an aircraft could substantially reduce the awareness of the pilot,
increasing the risk of pilot error. This risk is especially heightened when the
pilot uses electronic during flight operations near an airport, such as takeoff
and landing. Pilots must maintain constant awareness all round their aircraft
to ensure a safe flight under visual flight rules. Electronic devices can
reduce the level of awareness that pilots must maintain.
The other consequence I imagined is
more positive than the first. A common error in aviation is the pilot’s failure
to make the right decisions while operating their aircraft. Usually, this is
caused by a lack of information onboard the aircraft. With a tablet, the pilot
can pull up any necessary information to help make a decision, and avoid getting
lost. The need for a manual flight computer will be eliminated because the
pilot will have access to a preplanned flight map. Having instant access to
your flight plan allows pilots always stay on top of their flight.
Wow, you bring up some points that I would have never imagined in my life. Now when I'll be boarding a plane I'll be worried whether or not my pilot is distracted! Anyways, from casually reading over your draft, one thing I think you can modify is make your draft more lenient. What I mean by that is you do a lot of concrete statements. For example, "The use of devices in the cockpit while operating an aircraft could substantially reduce the awareness of the pilot, increasing the risk of pilot error. "- I'm sure this is a concrete fact with plenty of evidence to support it, but since we're not allowed to use evidence just yet, try to make this statement more lenient by saying " the possible use of______could potentially increase the risk________" something along those lines you know? This draft sounds very informative, and I believe you know what you're talking about. However, for this draft, try to stay away from the informative facts, and modify them into more casual inquiries. " I wonder if the other consequence are____", "Maybe some pilots might end up being more distracted if they use such technologies", etc.
ReplyDeleteGood point! Thanks Gabi!
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